


Out Loud

by Love_Marvel



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Break Up, F/M, Post-Break Up, Sort of cheating
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-23
Updated: 2018-08-23
Packaged: 2019-07-01 11:04:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15772830
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Love_Marvel/pseuds/Love_Marvel
Summary: Loving someone who has moved on hurts, a lot. The aching you feel knowing someone you loved left to love somebody else, is almost like a weird acid has been poured over every part of your body. It leaves you in pain but numb at the same time. Paralyzed while watching the one you love, love someone else.





	Out Loud

This was originally posted on my tumblr [lovemarvel101](https://lovemarvel101.tumblr.com/)  (Gif isn't mine)

* * *

 

 

 

> You knew it was coming, there were so many signs indicating he would leave. But you decided to ignore those instead choosing that it was just your imagination playing tricks and influencing your reality. Oh, why were you so oblivious? You both had decided that there was a future for you, he wanted to move in together and get married and so did you. Somehow life just didn’t want to give you that much happiness.
> 
> The sudden fight over nothing just became part of your routine after three months of living together, it hurt you more than it certainly hurt him. When you went out the other girls suddenly became more radiant and eye-catching than you, often when you came back from the restroom he was chatting up some girl oblivious to your eyes that held back the tears of betrayal and oblivious to the silence from your part. But still, you loved him and that wouldn't change any day soon. 
> 
> After five months of living together, you already slept apart. Him in the guestroom and you in the master bedroom, his pillow tearstained and shirts washed every day but seemingly he didn’t care because if he did he would’ve said ‘I love you’ at least once in two months, right? Well, two months turned in to five months and it didn’t get better from there on. You still lived together but it was like you weren’t a couple anymore, just roommates with benefits. 
> 
> And how much that hurt you.
> 
> If you would ask him he would deny it, he would insist he loved you till the end of the relationship but the real question is when was the end of your relationship? Being with Bucky wasn't easy and you didn’t care about the Winter Soldier, you didn’t care about his past, you cared for  ** _him_  **everything included, even if it meant he would insult you on how much of a crappy girlfriend you were and how you could’ve done better. Yet, he was the one to insult you, the one that flirted with others, the one who didn’t say ‘I love you’ anymore. 
> 
> He was the one that broke it off after two years of having the most turbulent relationship you could ever imagine.
> 
>  Somehow you still loved him, you still loved James Buchanan Barnes, you still loved the man who brought a new girl in your  ** _shared_**  home every week because he couldn’t find a place. People often wonder if how it feels for you and you always answer with something as simple as
> 
> _“How does it feel to have your heart ripped out and shredded to pieces every single day?”_
> 
> _“Painfull, right?”_
> 
> You moved out first, one day you just left. Left everything, it was hard so so hard but still you kept your head up high and went on with your day, feeling your heart crack a bit more every minute. You crashed at an old friends apartment for about a month, eating ice cream, drinking wine and lots of crying. She luckily helped you a bit on your feet but loving a person who no longer loves you is like having a whole apartment building crush you and your heart while acid pours from the sky, burning your whole body while also mixing with your salty tears. 
> 
> Moving on wasn’t happing any day soon, it still hurt too much and by now it has been a rough eight months. It was full of so much wine, a lot of ice cream tubs and so so many tissue boxes. 
> 
> But you did try to move on from Bucky. 
> 
>   * You left the tower completely only there for missions
>   * You deleted his number, so no drunk text or phone calls
>   * You unfollowed him so he would have to follow you to see any updates.
>   * ~~But still stalked his social media on the lookout for the new girlfriend~~
> 

> 
> They were small but necessary steps ‘on your road to recovery’, as your friend would put it. You still went on missions but avoided any contact with Bucky, that didn’t mean you couldn’t show off or something. 
> 
> After ten months the pain was ebbing away a bit more, making you officially available for the dating scene. Being with Bucky made you forget about how awkward first dates could be. 
> 
> But then the realization came. He was walking with their hands intertwined while sharing a beautiful laugh, one he used to share with you. When the streetlamp lightened up their faces you could see the clear adoration on both their face and god, you were physically feeling sick just ready to either empty your stomach or burst in your tears there’s no other choice. When she leaned in to kiss him, just like he always wanted you to do to take the lead in touches and kisses. You raised your hand to your mouth to hold back a broken gasp when you felt it, thick salty tears rolling relentlessly over your cheeks. And as if the sky was feeling your pain, it broke open. It was pouring, your tears were nothing compared to the teardrops that surrounded you. The happy couple just giggled and shrugged their shoulders perfectly in sync when he offered her his jacket and let her run to the car.
> 
> He turned around looking you straight in the eyes and he walked up to you, full of confidence already soaking from the pouring rain and you realized you might not look much better. He stopped and he looked at you with those beautiful storm gray eyes that matched the sky at that moment. He looked somehow relieved to see you as if he missed you, did he? He put his cold hand on your cheek even though it was cold and wet it still felt so warm almost on the verge of burning on your tearstained cheek. He leaned forward and for the life of you, you weren’t powerful enough to stop him but it wasn’t like you wanted to. For the first time, he was the first to make a move, he leaned forward noses brushing each other. His warm plump lips touched yours, the same time lighting engulfed the world around you two in white light. But you were unfazed by it, your lips frantically moving against his in a desperate attempt to memorize the feeling of  **kissing** ,  **touching** ,  _ **feeling**_  him. It seemed to last forever and the fire you thought was burned out suddenly re-lit itself, filling you with its warmth. He took you in a hug and whispered in the rain.
> 
> _“ I wish we could start again because I still love you.”_
> 
> He pulled his arms away from yours, kissed you desperately for what could be the last time and walked away. You tried to scream, run to him, do something but it was like your body refused to anything except fall down. Sobbing while the man you love walked towards the woman he now calls his girlfriend. The sound of a door closing gives you the courage to look up and whisper just like him into the night.
> 
> _“ I love you too.”_
> 
>  

 


End file.
